Jennifer Fonseca | Transforming Your Relationships

Take Time to Listen

I decided today I am going to listen more.  Everyday we hear things:  crying children, whining children, honking horns, blowing wind through palm leaves (hey, I live in Florida!), the grinding little noise our 116k mile car makes (and which we try to ignore), rumbling mufflers from wannabe race car drivers, screeching grocery carts. . .and so many more daily sounds.  We hear these sounds so frequently we begin to tune them out and allow them to blend into ambient noise. 

 But hearing and listening are two different things.  I read in Luke 8 today about listening, and it was in there more than one time.  I started to pay attention.  Then I began to question:

 Do I listen?

Do I listen to the meaning behind the words of people who are crying out for love or help?

Do I listen to the daily messages that God sends me in unassuming ways?

 To be honest I was a little nervous.  I wouldn’t want to miss the BIG message because it was sent in a soft, small way.  The message may not be a life changing tipping point; however, it could be the gentle reminder we are loved and valued. 

 So today, I am going to open my ears, hear the sounds and listen for whatever message is out there for me.  Are your ears open?  Are you willing to listen?

Apathy in My Attic

I hate to admit this. It seems rather awful. I'm embarrassed to share it. Especially as someone who leads two Bible studies and has a desire to share Biblical truths with others on a large scale. If you were to call me I would encourage you to trust your faith. If you email and ask me to pray, I would. And yet lately I've avoided God. No, I have not committed some felonious sin – at least not the outward kind that Christians like to point their fingers at and pass judgment upon. Likely it is far worse: Apathy & Pride.

You see the last few Sunday's I haven't felt like going to church. On a scale of 1 to 10 my desire to sing, raise my hands and unleash my worship to God has been somewhere close to a two. In fact the last two Sundays I opted to work and show up late to church. I have gotten the elbow nudge from my husband more than a few times as I browse the social networking scene – under the guise of "trying to promote our church."

My distraction is more about my unsettledness with where I am in life.

Yesterday, I again arrived half way through the church service – just in time for the offering. I sat there calloused and thinking, "Why are some born into squalor and other into affluence? Why am I not making a higher income? Why aren't I on that three week cruise?" And then the unraveling occurred. My arms crossed, one leg tucked tightly under the other, eyes wandering and the vocalists started to sing, "I'm running . . .where Jesus is calling. . . He said his grace would cover me. .it would provide the healing. . . I'm running, I'm running, I'm running to the mercy seat."

Even before my body started to unfold itself, my soul was exiting its twisted helix. Moisture gathered in the corner of my eyes. I felt conviction over my apathy and pride. I desperately wanted to stretch myself over the mercy seat and beg forgiveness for judging others, and not being grateful for what I have already been entrusted with. And to be honest for being resentful towards God that certain promises have yet to be fulfilled. I was angry when the offering bag was passed and once again the elders prayed for breakthrough and prosperity. Where is this breakthrough?

I found myself after the music was over, paying attention to the message, feeling encouraged and desiring to draw near to God. Despite weeks of just showing up to church, I went forward during the prayer time, and instead of complaining to God I simply asked Him to change me. (Very dangerous prayer I might add, but I was in the moment and went with it.) I need God to help me take captive my thought life. The apathy in the attic of my subconscious are due to the conscious thoughts I allow to infiltrate it. To feel better I employ a bit (or a lot) of pride – elevating myself above others. So far that method hasn't worked so well.

Have you allowed apathy to take residence in the attic of your mind, and taken the pride pill to make you "feel better?" Hey, I'm not writing this to judge you. I'm just sharing my own experience. With the melody and lyrics of a song, I was undone in my soul: mind (what I think about myself and my circumstances – how I interpret them), heart (how I feel about myself and my circumstances) will (how I choose to act/behave in response to how I feel and think about myself and my circumstances.) Thank God today is a new day and despite my apathy and arrogance towards God, there is Mercy.

Defining Your Words

We all have our own lexicons – a dictionary of words which we define in a particular way.  For example, Danny wanting to celebrate a friend’s birthday went to the local food bank and asked if they would donate a cake.  He was given a six inch round chocolate double decker, oozing with caramel, swirling with butter cream and shaved white chocolate.  Although one could find this cake at her local Publix grocery store, Danny described the sugary decadence as “the kind you would find at a rich person’s party.” 

In his economy, this cake was fancy and meant for the socially elite, while for others in the room, it was simply an afternoon snack.  It made me think, how do I define words such as “rich,” “success,” “greatness,” or even “failure.”  Understanding your personal lexicon makes a difference. It impacts the choices you make and what you believe about yourself.  I’ve had to learn to re-define words in my life.  Often definitions are borrowed and we spend more time comparing ourselves then living to the fullest.  Success for some might mean enjoying the fruit of monetary affluence, for others it may mean forfeiting six figures and a comma in order to raise a child.  Greatness may mean earning a title, a prefix or receiving a statue on a stage, while for others it may simply be speaking a kind word to a stranger with no reward in return.

Many of us look to media to help us define our words, and when we fall woefully short of the definitions we see, we feel defeated.  Perhaps we need to examine the words in our lexicons and put them in context with our Creator.  “Rich” might be defined as the person who is full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control.  “Success” might be defined as the person who exercises wisdom with grace on a daily basis.  “Greatness” in action might be humility shown by putting another before one’s own self.  And, “failure,” well, as long as we get up and try again, does not even have a place among the other words.  Today, examine your lexicon.  Decide if perhaps your words need to be re-defined and re-aligned.  In so doing you may just find you are much better off than you thought.

My Authentic Self

Her outline was the perfect “S” curve, and a hook for any man fond of the swoosh and wiggle of her voluptuousness.   Despite the ability to make a man’s head turn, there was still the residue of self consciousness.  And, this consciousness extended well past her figure.  Although awarded accolades and an impressive resume she doubted her ability, worth and significance as an individual. 

 

The sky was ribboned with blue, pink and orange that Florida evening as I leaned over my balcony, gazing past the intr-coastal waters to the wealth of Palm Beach.  I wondered what type of person one must be to amass such luxuries.  Even as the evening breeze whispered through the palms, my own thoughts whispered to me denigrating thoughts of the type of person I was.

 Although I knew insanity was doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results, my thought life was the gerbil running on the wheel trying desperately to get somewhere, and getting nowhere.  Constantly comparing myself to others and, always wondering why I couldn’t be more like the successful, as I defined it, women I so admired.  They were extroverted, high energy, type A personalities that worked hard and always accomplished what they set out to do, while earning the corporate praise I so longed for.  I was, or rather am, the more philosophical, type B, borderline introvert who quietly goes about her day in a relaxed, well paced manner, and  whose creativity and imagination never seem to get her ideas off the ground.  My pensive nature lingers too long on all that dislike about myself; my thoughts constantly running in circles on the wheel wondering if I could transform myself into the competitive, assertive multi-tasking high achiever, I thought everyone admired.

 

Every quality I was drawn to in others, were those which I lacked. It never occurred to me that just as I was drawn to these types, they were equally drawn to me.  These regularly conducted self inventories always revealed what I did not possess and such apparent lack of intrinsic personal qualities made me feel so - one dimensional.  

 

Something happened however, that autumn evening.  There was nothing magical about the sky or whispering breezes, just the faintest hush of thought – a revelation, which I still grapple with - perhaps who I am has value and brings harmony and balance to individuals.   Maybe it was looking at the Royal Palms and seeing each one unique in its own way, none jealous of the other, and all creating a grand collective parade down Flagler Drive which caused me to realize each personality trait of mine was purposely created.  To despise who I am, the way I think, act and perform was an offense to the one who made me.  It was this moment when I choose to accept who I was.

 

It was time to recognize the value and worth of my different, but necessary personality.  Lamenting the years wasted on loathing my slower paced nature, I came to peace with myself, and was able to embrace all of who I was – to be, enjoy and relish in my authentic self.